Nearing Maintenance Mode

I hope that your weekend is off to a great start! It’s been a hectic week at work, so I’m so glad that it’s finally the weekend.

I’m super excited because I received two packages today!

One of them was the Chia Charger that I order from Kath via OpenSky. It’s basically varieties of nut butter with chia seeds already mixed in!  The other was my Garmin 405 that I bought thanks to my AMAZING friends.

I’m so glad that I received both of these, but there were some slight negatives. First, oil from the Chia Charger was allllll over the inside of the box and on the containers (as you can see). Not really a huge deal, but I’m glad I opened it on a counter! My second (unexpected) boo-hoo moment was the size of the Garmin. I knew it would be big, but it is HUGE. It doesn’t help that I have abnormally small T-rex wrists; they’re literally smaller than my cousin’s kids’ wrists when they were only 4 years old hahaha :(

That was the tightest I could get it to go, so I can tell that it will be sliding and bouncing around all over my arm when I run, but I’m hoping that I get used to it pretty quickly because just playing with the settings made me go all geek-mode about running.

Oh, I also picked up a pretty cool pair of festive slipper socks for my always-cold feet. I think a 5-year-old would approve ;)

Maintenance Doesn’t Come Easy

As I very slowly continue to drop the pounds and head closer toward maintenance mode, I’ve been having to deal with more internal “issues”. I first noticed this on Thursday when I got home super late from work events. After doing some heavy eating and drinking on my birthday and during the conference, I assumed that my scale would read 5 lbs higher than my normal fluctuating night-time weight. I was also feeling really guilty for not having the time to do TRX boot camp on Wednesday or run that day as scheduled since I would turn into a blob again, right?

Wrong. It turns out that I didn’t even go up half of a pound, and I weighed myself at night after no working out for 2 days + 2 days of over-eating and over-drinking. Weird, but not really. I have been working out and running diligently, so I know that my body is capable of absorbing (and digesting) the occasional shock to the system. I think the problem is that I’ve probably thought of myself as needing to be on a diet or needing to lose weight from the time I was in high school up until a couple of months ago. (If I could go back in time now and slap some sense into the younger me, I would because my goal weight now is higher than I weighed back then.)

Until now, I’ve never been at a point where I’m healthily and slowly losing weight without gaining it back. I’ve also never been at a point where I’m content and maintaining. Being so close to that right now has gotten me realizing how nervous and uncertain I feel with this new, accomplished phase. I’m so used to feeling defeated and unhappy with my size that I don’t quite know what to do with myself now that I feel strong and proud of my progress.

It seems so counter-intuitive, right? I guess I didn’t realize that I’d have to be dealing with this new phase of the new and improved me until I read an excellent blog entry from Tessa @Amazing Asset, where she talks about facing the struggles that she’s been having with body image and regaining health. Although she’s on the road to trying to gain back weight, and I’m on the road to losing, we both face similar issues with satisfaction, and I bet we all do to some extent.

While I think I have a healthy and mostly-positive self-image, I catch myself in habits that I had when I would obsess over weight. I actually didn’t consciously think about it until Tessa mentioned it, and it’s that I’m always feeling myself (I know this sounds awkward) to see where I can grab fat or extra skin. Most of the time, I’m not even thinking about it. I do it when I’m driving (tummy), while I’m at work (arms), or even when laying in bed reading a book (all is game). Even if I don’t take the time to fully realize what I’m doing, I’ll continue to poke and prod at myself and mentally note where I want to see better results (fyi- you can’t “spot-treat” areas when you lose weight).

How annoying, right? Why can’t we just be happy? Well, friends, bad habits are hard to break, and we have to be even stronger than our impulses to break ourselves of them. When I start nit-picking at my under-arm flab, I try to compliment myself on my toned shoulders and more defined jawline. If I’m getting bugged out over the belly flab that shows (probably only to me) when I seat-belt myself in, I remind myself how I can fit into jeans I haven’t worn in years WITHOUT getting muffin top! Woohoo! Goodness, why can’t I always see the positive? Well, it would probably make me incredibly conceited, but that’s beyond the point.

I think most women do these things because society makes us feel that if we’re proud of our bodies and everything that they’re capable of, it makes us vapid bitches. If we accept that really nice compliment, we should immediately point out a flaw just so we appear modest. I’m guilty-as-charged, and you probably are, too. I think it’s about time we accept those compliments because we’ve been busting our asses to get to that point, no matter where in your fitness/weight loss journey you are.

*crawling off my solitary soap box*

Wow. I just went off on a really random tangent, but it’s been on my mind this past week, especially since I’ve had to break away from running schedule. On that note…

Exercise

I’ve totally reorganized my runs for this week. I was supposed to run 4 miles Thursday, a 5K today, and 9 miles tomorrow. Since I’ll be out celebrating my birthday with all of the rest of my friends tonight and will likely be hungover tomorrow, I decided to make it impossible to bail on my long run by doing it today. I did the 5K yesterday on the treadmill and will attempt the 4 miler tomorrow after I’ve risen from the dead. I’ll let you know how the Garmin goes!

I’ll be back tomorrow with an awards post because I have no excuse to postpone that any longer. Have a great Saturday!

Question of the Day: What do you do when you’re feeling particularly judgmental with yourself? Any fun plans for tonight?

16 thoughts on “Nearing Maintenance Mode

  1. I’m anxious to see how you like your new Garmin! I’m thinking about asking for one for Christmas.

    I know exactly what you mean about “grabbing the flab”. For some reason, even after a great workout when I feel strong and awesome, I’ll be about to take a shower and I’ll pinch any extra fat on my stomach and briefly think about how I need to get rid of it. Most of the time, I’m totally happy with my weight and the way I look, but those little moments creep up on me. I’m working on losing those feelings that my body isn’t good enough too :-)

  2. I am totally guilty of grabbing my flab sometimes too. I would grab my tummy when I sit down and be really disappointed that it’s kinda poking out. However I know that that is silly (even my boyfriend said so). Luckily my disappointment goes away really quickly and I realized how much stronger I have became. :)

  3. this is such a great post! I can definitely relate..I feel like since high school when I started counting calories its so hard for me to break out of the habit, but I’m slowly developing a healthy living mentality that is making it not seem like so much of a diet, and more of just a lifestyle

  4. Consider buying a wrist warmer thingy and wearing it under your Garmin – it will keep it from bouncing around. Mine is a little large as well – I don’t notice it while running but when I’m biking downhill it bounces right on my wrist bone and it gets painful!

    I’ve never had a lot of weight issues but a month ago I was training and eating as a half marathoner, then my running completely dropped off….but the eating didn’t. It wasn’t exactly junk food, it was portion control. I’m definitely more of a runner than a super healthy eater so for me it is about getting back on a training schedule. Easier said than done with my new work schedule and I’ve been having issues and giving myself some serious back talk about a little weight gain.

    I think the most important thing is realizing what you’re doing {bad talking yourself!} and that it really isn’t necessary {you’ve come a long way, focus on that}. That alone is an improvement and motivation!

  5. I do the same thing as far as body checking goes! I think it’s a common thing for women, and it goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders and dieting in general. It’s just become an instinctive thing for me, but I’m working on trying to stop being so weight-obsessed. I’ve been in maintenance mode (after needed weight gain) for quite awhile, so it is definitely upsetting seeing the number fluctuate, but I think having a range of healthy weights is the way to go so you don’t become obsessed with a specific number.

  6. Oh, you should post a review of your Garmin after you’ve used it on a few runs! I’ve been debating getting one, and I’m not quite sure which version I’d like! There are so many!

  7. Urgh, I STILL have that tendency. Sucking in my stomach and feeling “fat” at random times, especially after 6 hours of crouching at my desk. Feeling it and pinching the rolls. It’s such a common thing, yet so wrong.

    Congrats on getting close to maintenance mode though. It’s hard to change our weight obsession when that’s what society encourages, but here’s to an onward progression to inner peace!

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